Day One ... Again.

So, the kit didn't arrive until 5:30 last night and there is no way I could have started this thing. I got out all of the info, followed the instructional video and got organized. I was still putsing around with it at 10:30 last night.

Today became Day One.

I took all of my measurements and recorded them in my black book. After I had gotten everyone up for school, got them breakfast (waffles), got the little kids dressed (clothes picked out and put on, hair brushed, teeth brushed), bookbags packed, Kevin's shirt ironed, Kevin's lunch made, everyone packed into the car, I realized something..... On weekdays, I can't eat until they are gone. There is just no time. So I made a mental note to have breakfast ready to go on the weekdays.

When I got home from dropping off Drew at the high school, I came home and popped in another one of the videos. Then I made breakfast.... a kind of weird breakfast but it was actually really good. It was a baked potato, tuna and an apple. I rewatched my videos, learned the exercise moves and did my exercises, finished two of the three water bottles (100 fl oz total!!! UGH!), made my mid-morning snack, made a pitcher of iced tea, and jumped in the shower, all before Nate made it home on the bus.

WHEW.
Day One is going great. But it is still only day one......

Well..... so it didn't work out that way.

Okay, so I am not going to get my "kit" in the mail until the day is almost over. No problem. I will just start the diet on Wednesday (I will leave Tuesday open for shopping and menu planning).

So, because I am not going to be chatting about my amazing weight loss on the first day, I will talk about something else. Cooking.

I think the biggest mistake people make (and I know because I have made this mistake myself) is to think backwards. We are in the store, and we see something that sounds good so we buy it. Then, it ends up decorating our shelves before it is cast into the collection baskets for the local food drive.
Kevin buys things he thinks I can use... It is difficult finding recipe homes for all of his bargains. It is so much easier to plan something that sounds delicious and interesting, and then go to the store and purchase the ingredients. So much better than typing in what you have and having a search engine try to accommodate all of your edible odds and ends.

I hate microwave cooking, too, but that's another post. Lickity split, not fit to eat.... lol
But the one thing I truly believe is that if you want to learn patience and persistance, learn to cook.

Day 1 - which is going to be a few days long...

The "package" hasn't arrived. So I don't know what to eat. So I had a weight loss drink and now I have been supplementing my hunger with water. Did I mention the water? 100 oz a day. A DAY! Jeeze.... I 'm going to drown.

So, tomorrow might be my first real day; or even Wednesday after I buy my food. I hope there is a lot of cooking. I love to cook. I love to eat. Cooking and eating are not the best two hobbies to have, I must admit. They tend to work against you; at least they work against my waistline.

Am I determined to make this work? No. But I can do anything for 42 days, so I think I will be okay. In the meantime I will drink my water and dream of skimpy clothes.

New Odyssey

I am embarking on a new odyssey. No, I am not selling anything anymore. No new businesses, that's for sure.

I have decided to complete a 6-week nutrition course designed to manage my hypoglycemia and to help with weight loss. Six weeks. 42 days. I can do this.

I am scheduled to get the kit telling me the entire blueprint of how to change my life for the better tomorrow afternoon. In the course of managing my "illness" (and I do use that term very loosely!) I have the opportunity to lose weight in the process. And I definitely need to do some of that.

So, I am going to lose 40 pounds and have more energy and less blood sugar fluxuations, and I will do it all in the next 42 days, starting tomorrow.

I am planning on blogging daily to keep on track.... wish me luck.

Never better.

I thought I was getting better. In fact, I was. And then along came life and messed me up.

Jared has said some of the ugliest things you could ever imagine. To me, about me. He has called me names that would curl your hair. He tells me daily how much he hates me, how much he hates our family... but mostly me. He tells me there is nothing about me that he likes.

I keep thinking about Diane Holler, a horrible woman I once workd for at Dept. of Rehab. She used to invite me in and ask me questions about what I did on the weekends; what plans did I have going on, etc. She asked all sorts of personal questions.

And then, one day, she starts screaming for whatever reason, and she begins yelling that she doesn't give a shit about my life... about what I do on the weekends.... etc. It was stupid and boring to her, all of my stories and ideas. She just listened so I would think she liked me.

So now I feel like my life has come a full circle. Yesterday we had so much going on, I asked Kevin for help. I had to take Jenna to piano, take Drew to play practice, meet Jared for the baseball meeting... I asked Kevin to be home to watch Nate. I fed the kids (all of them) pasta and salad and green beans, and got everything ready. Took everyone and did everything... except Drew needed to be dropped off and picked up again at 8:30. At 8:30 Drew called and said he was ready. I was in the middle of getting the two youngest ready for bed, and Nathan had just pooped his pants. I asked Kevin could he either go get Drew or change Nates pants. He didn't budge from the computer. So I did both.
As I was leaving I asked Kevin to finish getting them ready for bed... I had already gotten them a snack and helped them brush their teeth... all he needed to do was tuck them in.
Got home 1/2 hour later and they were still up running around. Kevin was on the phone chatting away to his dad. So I did all of that, too.
This morning told Kevin he could have told his dad he would call him right back, and put the kids to bed. He screamed at me... told me he needed to take depression meds before he talked to me... and accused me of sweating the small stuff.

I cannot believe how quickly life can spiral into depression... a seemingly wonderful life can turn sour and black. Nathan wouldn't know an indoor voice if it bit him... he is always yelling. Jenna is bossy and loud, and yells quite a bit. Jared screams his hatred for me everyday, and apparently Kevin feels the same as Diane Holler. It isn't me that Kevin wants... he just doesn't want to lose me because then who would run this entire house... single-handedly?

I need a break. But when I get a break, I miss the children. Well, some of them. After all, how long can a person go being hated before they become numb and don't care anymore? Not as long as you might think.

Old and Tired

One thing that really bothers Kevin, and hasn't bothered me so much yet, is that we are really old parents to the two littlest. Kevin insists we have been mistaken for grandparents more than once, but I think he is crazy. I don't feel that old, so how could people mistake me for being so?

I wanted a blog... the other blog actually... so that I could write. Believe it or not, I still don't have time to write.

Things are better this year at this time than they were last. With only wee one to watch (Wyatt), and then only once or twice a week, it really opens up my "me" time. Two of the boys drive, so they is less traveling for me. Everything has calmed down quite a bit.

But, today was the first day in three weeks that I didn't have anyone home with me in the morning. And it would have been quite relaxing if I had bothered to relax. Unfortunately, I used the time to clean, organzie and make calls regarding various issues.

Next year, and I truly hate wishing my life away, but next year I will have all morning every morning to myself. I can do my yoga without advice; I can solve problems on the phone without multitasking; I can have coffee without continuously getting milk, cereal, cereal bars, fruit snacks or popcorn; and most of all, I can just enjoy the quiet.

I've got a bad feeling about this....

Jared was very upset today, screaming and yelling about Kevin. I didn't say anything; just listened. Man, was he mad.

One thing that he yelled stood out to me... he said Kevin never even bothers to ask how his day goes. Deep down I think the connection is being lost... or maybe it was never there.

I wish I could make it better for everyone involved. But it is a process... part of the independence pull. And one day it will all be behind us. I hope.